Gracias!

Thanks to everyone for the feedback - both positive and constructive. I've been told that my voice may be a little too cynical, and well, that's probably right. To paraphrase Charlotte from SATC, "I've been dating now for 16+ years and I'm tired. Where is he?" Though, I promise to keep it as lighthearted as possible - without sacrificing my biting wit (ha ha).

Don't be shy about commenting also - actresses like me like to feel validated. :)

I PROMISE a date story tonight!

"Currently pursuing another relationship"

So, I promise to get to my date stories - but first I have to ask this question. If you see a guy online and he meets all of the criteria below - but his reason to close you is because he's "currently pursuring another relationship", I call shenanigans. I might even call bullshit. If you're pursing a relationship, why are you on this damn online dating website anyway? I mean if it's serious enough that you are rejecting women, maybe you shouldn't be getting matched/trolling in the first place. Am I right? Thoughts?

The Dissection of a Profile

I don't think I come across great online. I mean I like to think I'm pretty funny in person (and hopefully in print!) and I just think I'm trying too hard in my profile. Whatever. It's just like auditions or interviews - I'm much better in person. It's just getting to that point that seems to be an issue.

For those of you not familiar with online dating - here's a quick rundown about how it works for me.

First thing I notice when I get matched is where someone lives. I don't have a car, so people who live in Reston or Gaithersburg may be looked at after someone who lives in DC proper or Arlington/Bethesda etc. Also, I get a ton of matches from people who live near Baltimore or down towards Woodbridge. That is geographically undesirable for me. I've heard it all - don't email me. I realize that this cuts out a lot of people, but I like to date closer to where I live.

The next thing, I notice, of course are the photos. If there are no photos posted, that guy immediately gets the boot. Sorry dudes - it's 2009. Pictures are no longer an option when you are online dating - they are a requirement. I realize that photos are not a very good judge of how someone actually looks in person but you can get a general gist.

Then I read their profile. At this point, I'm looking for someone who is witty, maybe a little funny and clearly doesn't take themselves to seriously. Also - I'm looking at their interests/hobbies as well. If it's a guy who runs triathalons and is looking for someone to share that hobby with - well, that's not my lazy ass. I'll look at their job as well - though that matters less to me. They just need to be gainfully employed.

Other things I look for are kids (also an automatic dealbreaker for me), height (not usually that picky, but they have to be taller than me - 5'6"+, you would be surprised at how short some people are) whether they have pets and anything they might list.

Generally, I find that I'm the intiator for contact. This used to bother me a lot more - but I've stopped caring. I have a list of people and I like to weed them out one way or another. Also, if someone doesn't respond either positively or negatively within a matter of time, I probably wouldn't have been interested in them in the long run. I like men of action. :)

Then the laborious process of questions and relationship pro/cons start - and finally, if it all works out you progress to email and then hopefully a face-to-face meeting. And the first email, first phone call and first face-to-face meeting is a whole OTHER can of worms, or at the very least - another post.

Next post: my first date after the post-boyfriend hiatus.

9 1/2 Months

No, I'm not starring in a scandalous film with Mickey Roarke nor having a baby (I'm not sure which one would be worse at this point...) - but that's about the time I've been back in the dating scene. After my Rat Bastard of An Ex-Boyfriend (Rat Bastard or just RB, because I'm lazy) dumped my ass in what I think was the crappiest way possible (more about that in later posts), I took some time to re-focus (read: get back to the gym and stop wallowing) and figured I was ready about 9 months or so ago.

I have a lifetime subscription to the online dating sight Chemistry (Match.com's version of eHarmony). No that's not a typo - lifetime subscription. I have a sort of weird habit to sign up for things - I seriously have a million shopping club cards - so I signed up for Chemistry for free right when it first started. Fast forward a few months when I met RB - I called the company to cancel my account. This is when I discovered that because I had signed up in the first few weeks of the site, I was now grandfathered in for LIFE. I seriously hope I'm not online dating when I'm 60 - but at least I know that I won't have to use my social security check to pay for it.

I also just rejoined eHarmony. They were having a deal and (see above), I'm a sucker for a deal. So I think the combination of the two sites will give me enough of a dating pool to at least entertain my 5 followers with funny stories.

I also haven't lost the hope that I may meet someone organically (i.e. not online) - though I haven't been lucky in that arena for a while.

We'll see - glad to have you along for the ride!

Ugh. Dating.

Third time's a charm, right? This is the third blog I've started and while blogs seem to be a little passe these days, I'm hoping to keep this one going. I have a talent for getting really into something and then getting bored really quick.

Which, good segue - that's kind of the MO in my dating history. I'm not sure if it's lack of suitors, lack of interest, lack of patience or a combination of all three, but I hate dating. I'd rather just magically be transported to the fun relationship (after the awkardness of the first few dates, the getting to know you period but still in the "making out is fun" phase).

Since that will never happen - here I am. Dating. I hope you enjoy my stories - because dating is just like going on a bunch of really tedious job interviews, but with funnier results.